pregnancy and pain

Ok, so I know mothers, well mothers to be, are meant to love their bumps and little unborn babies, but currently I am finding it very and I mean VERY hard to find any love at this particular moment in time.

My little sproglet is laying on my spine and has been for the last 4 days.Every time he / she moves around I feel as if my spine is about to snap in half. It cannot be comfy for baby so I have no idea why he / she is this position, I mean it certainly isn’t comfy for me. I mean it feels as if baby is trying to kill me!! The other night I was in tears it was so painful! I’m telling you, I have no idea how I’m going to survive labour. 

And because of this I have turned into a BITCH. I mean a mega bitch on an epic scale. I snap at everyone, I almost bit some woman’s head off at work today because she wanted an americano with hot milk on the side, AS IF ANYONE HEATS UP A TINY BIT OF COFFEE AT HOME?!?! Why waste my time when normal cold milk is probably what they have normally anyway?!?! 

And to make matters worse, my partner doesn’t have a clue what to do, he sits or lays there helplessly as I cry in pain, bless him.

I just cannot wait until December when I can get this little sproglet out of me. At least then I wont have to curse it for the pain my spine is in. 

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A Long Time Coming.

So I haven’t posted a blog in absolute ages. Which I know I should have done, but between moving house and work I haven’t found much time to do anything, especially since I have been so tired throughout the whole pregnancy.

So 2 weeks ago I went for my 20 week scan, and everything with baby was absolutely fine, no extra arms or legs (or any missing ones).

Image

When I saw my little baby on the screen I almost cried (I admit a tear leaked out but nothing more, though I wanted too) it was just such a special moment, I can’t explain to non-pregnant women just what a heart-warming and special moment it is seeing your baby inside you. I cannot wait until I have him or her in my arms for real! 

As you can guess we didn’t find out the sex of the baby, though I was debating for ages and ages whether or not too. I desperately want to know (I’m not good with surprises) but at the same time a surprise like this would be amazing. In the end I just decided to go with what felt right on the day (though I had already told the other half that I wouldn’t find out – I still wasn’t sure). So now, late November / early December I with have a little surprise 🙂 

One reason that I haven’t posted anything really is because I don’t think I have much interesting to talk about. I haven’t felt overly excited at some times and all I seem to do is worry about the weight I’m putting on and the stretch marks that everyone seems to harp on about. Am I going to get piles and will sex ever feel normal again?! I’m more scared then anything at times. I’m scared about my changing body, I’m scared that I’m going to be a rubbish mother and I’m scared that I’m too young. I haven’t spoke to my partner about this as he’s so self assured that he’d just tell me I’m being silly. And I have no pregnant friends to talk to about any of this and I get the feeling my other friends are sick to death of me talking about my pregnancy. 

I have no idea about antenatal classes or anything, I feel very small and worried. I am excited for baby and I love buying stuff for him / her today I went and got some teething dummies for when that dreaded day occurs, I’ve bought bibs and bottles and blankets I’m waiting for the cot to turn up – but still, all I can do is worry in silence.

And no I appear to have poured my heart out. 

Anyway, the picture above is of my little bump at 20 weeks, I’m now 23 weeks and over half way through my pregnancy. 

xx